oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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