i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
