i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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