Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
