Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
