I must be too annoying 4 u.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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