So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
