when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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