He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
someone owes me an orgasm
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
