Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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