tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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