how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
