I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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