the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
third nipple confirmed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize