Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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