Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
