just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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