You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
