I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
