Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry about my life...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
