Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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