i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
