I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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