im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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