Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A bitchslap is in order.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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