We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
