just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
