Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
