Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
