Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
