what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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