my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
