I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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