You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
