I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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