well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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