You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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