Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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