Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
