You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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