Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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