I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
