Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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