i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
