my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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