I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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