if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
