did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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