and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
