Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize