I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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