remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
