U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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