If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
