i jhust puked up my retainher.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this boner is exhausting
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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