Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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