It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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