I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
