dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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