things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
