So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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