alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
