I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
