she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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