I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
