fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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