I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
