so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
