Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A+ Viking dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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