He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
