just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
