I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
