you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
