that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
